Ultrasound Update (and a special announcement)!

We had our monthly ultrasound today... nothing new to report regarding Baby's health issues. Every issue has remained the same. That is good news to us since it seemed every ultrasound and test has resulted in yet another negative issue going on with Baby. It was nice to hear for once that nothing has changed or worsened. So far we have really liked all the doctors that are involved in our case. However, there is ONE that we really aren't fond of, and apparently Baby isn't either : ) Each time he sees us, Baby doesn't "cooperate" very well, and he gets flustered. This time he wanted to check Baby's fingers, and all he kept getting were "fists" flailing at him : ) I loved every minute of it...seems my baby has my stubbornness and low-tolerance for impatient doctors... here's a picture of "The Fist".

In OTHER news, we WERE able to get a good shot of the "gender region"... and we are very happy to announce........................

Her name is Hannah Joy meaning "having favor; grace" and "happiness; the Lord is God". The name we have chosen for her is the one we had chosen for Micah if he had been a girl... little did we know how much that name would come to mean to us when we gave it to this sweet baby girl. God is good.

Joe and I have been struggling a bit (emotionally) these past few weeks... however, God knew what we needed today - an appointment with no new negative issues to report and ALSO letting us know the gender of this sweet baby inside of me. We are truly grateful for these rare moments (at our doctor appointments) of true JOY amongst these often difficult and heart-wrenching appointments.

Please continue to pray that the hydrocephalus will not worsen... and please continue to pray that I will get through these last 2.5 months in peace. It's been a long road thus far....

A Post of Pictures

Since I have no update, no current photos of Baby, and no photos of me or my family on here yet, I thought I'd join in on Lynette's fun post idea for today... posting photos of you, your family, anything that is you. I'll try to find a few : )
Me at our old apartment, pregnant with Micah - same weeks along as I am with this Baby.

1st photo: taken just after my 32 hours of labor...tired new mama w/ frizzy hair & no makeup : ) 2nd photo: taken just after we got home from hospital... tired new mama still : ) most days my hair is quickly put back like that... and I'm lucky if I can get makeup on....
My handsome men on Easter Sunday this year.

My beagle, Dunkin, and my sweet boy Micah!

*updated* Speaking from the Heart and MRI Results

Please forgive my tired brain : ) I wrote this late last night, and I need to clarify one very important statement in it... see the asterisk below for the correction....
--------------------------
Thought I'd do a new post, rather than constantly adding on to the previously updated post. I'm kind of beyond the point of feeling overwhelmed right now - just pretty much feeling "numb". I'm to the point where each time I hear something new about the baby, I end up shrugging and saying (sometimes out-loud) "it's not in my hands...". I don't really find myself reacting the same way I did before - I may cry on occasion, but mostly I find myself becoming more "quiet". The pain seems too deep to touch sometimes. I believe God is giving me this "quietness" to help me process everything, and to help remind me that He is in control. This baby is our little miracle, regardless of what any tests show, regardless of what Baby's outcome will be. Despite my hurts, fears, and all the negative outcomes of tests done on Baby, *never in my life have I felt closer to God than I do now. Not sure if that makes any sense to anyone else, but it makes perfect sense to me. I honestly have never questioned God in this entire situation. I have had no reason to. He gave us this child... He created this child... He knows what is best for this child -and for that, I am grateful.

The high-risk doctors office called with the results of the MRI. Here are the prayer requests from that:

• It confirmed the mild case of hydrocephalus. We'll continue meeting with the Pediatric Neurologist.
  

• Somewhat of a praise - the MRI did not show the hole in the heart, however they were able to see the heart more closely -and are still very concerned about the condition & positioning of it. Again, nothing really new there.

• It showed a much clearer view of the elongated bladder, which was a bit alarming to the doctors - and now want me to meet with a Pediatric Urologist to have them look at the kidneys and bladder more closely.
  

Thank you for your prayers & encouragement... we do appreciate each of you.
Love
Erika

MRI - today *updated*

*update: MRI went well. Praise (see request below): Baby "cooperated well", in the words of the doctors, and that's all they told me - they have to report directly to the high-risk doctors. I just looked at the CD of the images from the MRI that they sent home with me, Baby looks beautiful and perfect in every way - but then again, that's the Mama speaking : ) Such a sweet profile, and a cute button nose. Perfection in Mama's eyes. We won't get the results of the tests for another day or so.

----------------

I have an MRI scheduled for today at 10AM (EST). The high-risk doctor wanted to get me in for one ASAP after last weeks appointment. The procedure is done at the Children's hospital here where the Pediatric Neurologists can perform the test, since they are experienced with fetal MRI's.

Pray that Baby isn't too active so that they can get a good reading on the brain.

Pray that we get positive results... a little bit of good news would be great right now - however, as we know - we are not in control here...

I'll update later today, depending on how fast we get results. Thank you, all....
Much love,
Erika

Overwhelming...But Still Hopeful

This is as good of a picture of the baby as you'll get this week : ) it was taken on Memorial Day. At today's ultrasound, baby was - yet again - so very active that the doctors couldn't get a still enough profile picture...the ones that they got were so blurry - maybe next time.

First of all, I want to say thank you again for all of the prayers, thoughts, & support...very much needed, and appreciated. I changed the settings on this blog so that you don't have to set up a google account to comment. I'm not sure where to start with this update. I'll give you the positive updates first.

• Femur bones (upper thigh) seem to be growing at a "normal" rate now. That is not of any concern anymore.
  

• Although the cyst has grown in size, and is considered "big", it still does not seem to have any blood flowing through it - which I guess is a good thing. However, Baby was still hiding it's "gender" but we're almost 80% sure what it is... the cyst is still hiding that "area"... maybe we're not meant to find out quite yet : )

• Baby weight measured just over a pound at 23 weeks gestation which is a pretty good size for that stage! Heart rate, fluid level, and over-all growth looked good.
  

So, those are the positive updates. Hopeful? Yes, I still have hope. Not giving up. Encouraging? Not very much. I'll give you the confusing/overwhelming updates. A bit scary and overwhelming.

• The doctors and techs still couldn't get a good read on the heart. Baby was breech with the back facing out which made it extremely hard to get a picture of the heart. If you remember, last appointment they clearly saw a hole in it, but couldn't get a very good read on it yet. Because of that, in 3 weeks my next ultrasound will be an echo-cardiogram for baby (detailed ultrasound of Baby's heart) that is, if Baby is in a better position.

• The bladder is still a strange shape, but we won't know the seriousness of that until after Baby is born.

• The big change this month is the most frightening one. Not sure if I can get all the terminology correct, but the Baby's ventricles in the brain were showing higher than normal fluid levels, which the doctor labeled hydrocephalus. She said it is possible it could be caused by some virus or infection, but not likely (I have to get some blood work done to rule that out). The doctor said she highly believes it is some sort of chromosome abnormality because of the combination of the fluid on the brain, heart issues, cyst, and 2-vessel cord. Basically the hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain) adds to the list of possible chromosome issues.
  

So, with the most recent news comes many more tests and doctor visits. All of which is perfectly safe for Baby, for those who may be concerned about that. Here is a list of all of the upcoming doctor/specialist visits that we have to undergo.

• MRI scheduled within the next 10 days - needs to be done to get a better detailed look at the Baby's brain.
  

• Scheduled to meet with a Pediatric Neurologist to discuss the brain issues, what to expect, and how to prepare for it.... that's actually a comfort more than "just another thing" - because I do want to be better prepared for what is to come.

• Scheduled to meet with a Pediatric Cardiologist for the Baby's heart issues
  

• Scheduled to meet with the team of NICU doctors (Neonatologists, Pediatricians, etc.) who will be caring for Baby immediately after birth. I was told the point of these meetings is to better prepare me for what will go on after the Baby is born.

Joe and I will be meeting with the pediatric specialists throughout the rest of the pregnancy as things can change and develop frequently. I asked the doctor today if she could rule out any of the deadly chromosome issues yet -and she said a firm "No." According to her, the combination of defects that this Baby are still possible defects for deadly chromosome issues. I was hoping to hear better news than that. In some ways I wish I knew what to prepare for... no mom should ever have to be in this position! But God is literally in control. I wouldn't have it any other way.

My head is "spinning" right now with all the information today, so hopefully what I just wrote makes some kind of sense. It really helps to write it out... kind of organizing my thoughts. Thank you again... I'll update more when I can.