Overwhelming...But Still Hopeful

This is as good of a picture of the baby as you'll get this week : ) it was taken on Memorial Day. At today's ultrasound, baby was - yet again - so very active that the doctors couldn't get a still enough profile picture...the ones that they got were so blurry - maybe next time.

First of all, I want to say thank you again for all of the prayers, thoughts, & support...very much needed, and appreciated. I changed the settings on this blog so that you don't have to set up a google account to comment. I'm not sure where to start with this update. I'll give you the positive updates first.

• Femur bones (upper thigh) seem to be growing at a "normal" rate now. That is not of any concern anymore.
  

• Although the cyst has grown in size, and is considered "big", it still does not seem to have any blood flowing through it - which I guess is a good thing. However, Baby was still hiding it's "gender" but we're almost 80% sure what it is... the cyst is still hiding that "area"... maybe we're not meant to find out quite yet : )

• Baby weight measured just over a pound at 23 weeks gestation which is a pretty good size for that stage! Heart rate, fluid level, and over-all growth looked good.
  

So, those are the positive updates. Hopeful? Yes, I still have hope. Not giving up. Encouraging? Not very much. I'll give you the confusing/overwhelming updates. A bit scary and overwhelming.

• The doctors and techs still couldn't get a good read on the heart. Baby was breech with the back facing out which made it extremely hard to get a picture of the heart. If you remember, last appointment they clearly saw a hole in it, but couldn't get a very good read on it yet. Because of that, in 3 weeks my next ultrasound will be an echo-cardiogram for baby (detailed ultrasound of Baby's heart) that is, if Baby is in a better position.

• The bladder is still a strange shape, but we won't know the seriousness of that until after Baby is born.

• The big change this month is the most frightening one. Not sure if I can get all the terminology correct, but the Baby's ventricles in the brain were showing higher than normal fluid levels, which the doctor labeled hydrocephalus. She said it is possible it could be caused by some virus or infection, but not likely (I have to get some blood work done to rule that out). The doctor said she highly believes it is some sort of chromosome abnormality because of the combination of the fluid on the brain, heart issues, cyst, and 2-vessel cord. Basically the hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain) adds to the list of possible chromosome issues.
  

So, with the most recent news comes many more tests and doctor visits. All of which is perfectly safe for Baby, for those who may be concerned about that. Here is a list of all of the upcoming doctor/specialist visits that we have to undergo.

• MRI scheduled within the next 10 days - needs to be done to get a better detailed look at the Baby's brain.
  

• Scheduled to meet with a Pediatric Neurologist to discuss the brain issues, what to expect, and how to prepare for it.... that's actually a comfort more than "just another thing" - because I do want to be better prepared for what is to come.

• Scheduled to meet with a Pediatric Cardiologist for the Baby's heart issues
  

• Scheduled to meet with the team of NICU doctors (Neonatologists, Pediatricians, etc.) who will be caring for Baby immediately after birth. I was told the point of these meetings is to better prepare me for what will go on after the Baby is born.

Joe and I will be meeting with the pediatric specialists throughout the rest of the pregnancy as things can change and develop frequently. I asked the doctor today if she could rule out any of the deadly chromosome issues yet -and she said a firm "No." According to her, the combination of defects that this Baby are still possible defects for deadly chromosome issues. I was hoping to hear better news than that. In some ways I wish I knew what to prepare for... no mom should ever have to be in this position! But God is literally in control. I wouldn't have it any other way.

My head is "spinning" right now with all the information today, so hopefully what I just wrote makes some kind of sense. It really helps to write it out... kind of organizing my thoughts. Thank you again... I'll update more when I can.